I have had Gotye, Somebody that I Used to Know going through my head all day... But instead of making me feel great, like it did the first time I found it, I feel like I have been crumbling as the edges.
As the new found busyness becomes the norm, I now find the empty placed in the day- brief moments where I am reminded that I was rejected, that I an now a lone traveller. If course God soothes, carries and walks beside, and new friends fortify my sometimes flagging resolve, but the gap has not closed, nor been filled. That sick, almost panicked feeling deep in my stomach at times, threatens to overtake the calm exposure I maintain most if the time. I still cry.
But, onwards. I am sitting in a dentist chair as we speak, waiting for a supervisor to examine the work done. It is lovely to be told that I have very healthy teeth - I have Mum to thank for that! Yet my mind, being a funny thing, takes this nice information and stores it in a stupid list I am unconsciously compiling. It is titled ' reasons I am worth keeping.' This list depresses me and adds to my general frustration, but I think it may be a necessary prices to rebuild shattered self-confidence. Maybe. Right, the chair is reclining, must be involved in the moment...
As the new found busyness becomes the norm, I now find the empty placed in the day- brief moments where I am reminded that I was rejected, that I an now a lone traveller. If course God soothes, carries and walks beside, and new friends fortify my sometimes flagging resolve, but the gap has not closed, nor been filled. That sick, almost panicked feeling deep in my stomach at times, threatens to overtake the calm exposure I maintain most if the time. I still cry.
But, onwards. I am sitting in a dentist chair as we speak, waiting for a supervisor to examine the work done. It is lovely to be told that I have very healthy teeth - I have Mum to thank for that! Yet my mind, being a funny thing, takes this nice information and stores it in a stupid list I am unconsciously compiling. It is titled ' reasons I am worth keeping.' This list depresses me and adds to my general frustration, but I think it may be a necessary prices to rebuild shattered self-confidence. Maybe. Right, the chair is reclining, must be involved in the moment...
No comments:
Post a Comment