Day 14 - Channa Masala, dancing

I skipped a day because yesterday was wonderful - finishing up the competition (which we have yet to hear the results of...I wait in anticipation), cleaning my house, going to a prayer meeting, making food... I invited a bunch of people who didn't necessarily know each other to my house for Chana Masala - I made heaps of it!

It was wonderful - such magnificent people! We went dancing and just had a wonderful time. So I didn't need to write. I was miserable when I got home though as I had bumped into his housemates while we were out. They were so lovely, expressing a desire to be friends with me regardless. It meant a lot to me, but I stupidly asked how he was doing. I don't know what response I wanted - do I want him to feel bad? of course! I want him to miss me. But I don't really want that - I want him to be content with the situation, and feel that it is right. But I don't want him to be happy either, because I am hurting! 

Ah! It was a well of confusing emotions. Anyway, I just started worrying about him, and everything became so real for a moment - I began to miss him. I know that now is the time to be focused on myself, building my life up again, filling it with friends, God, family, busyness, and so its right that I wouldn't worry about him. And I must continue to not worry, but last night I did, and it hurt.

It has been two weeks - we never made it that long before running back to each other the previous times we broke up, and that isn't going to happen this time, and it just hit me hard.

I am home now, snuggled up with a cat, a mum and a good tv show - good respite after a long week.